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20/01/2011

Two new British varieties

Two new female brands now firmly established.

Brand A - Foul-mouthed, hard-headed, intimidating, not averse to resorting to physical violence.
Rough, thoughtless driving, severely limited attention span, no manners, no concious knowledge of anyone else sharing same space/hearing distance, spitting distance. 
Sexual predator, later career mother, career benefits user, weekend drunkard. 
Language pattern = 4 words, stop, sneer, five words (maximum), then a final three - maybe used together with 'Essex' type or pseudo-carribean accent.

Brand B - Perpetually orange, self-obsessed, overly image-concious, affected hand movements (hands to face, 'fanning' movement), affected speech patterns (OMG, the upward tilt of a suggestion of a sneer at the end of each sentence, the beginnings of a 'california girl' slur or intonnation), or perhaps a 'friends' style of using each and every phrase to a)subject recipient to critisms, b) show the speaker in a 'special' light c) affect a superior role whilst d)finding absolutely everything embarressing and e) doing all this whilst wearing nothing much at all except f)impecable makeup - 24/7, and g) fashionable soft flat pumps during the worst snows for twenty-five years.
Parents - had it too good, for too long, for not enough effort (including parenting).  This is now deeply bred into the offspring as an overly concious knowledge of 'rights' and an amazement that things don't just fall at their feet, completed, and successful - and the new owner of these gifts possibly already a rich superstar.   Substitute traits between A & B at will.